Are you constantly misplacing your keys? Find yourself interrupting others with your own, admittedly more dazzling, anecdotes?

Well, hold on to your hats, folks, because you might just qualify for a free car, a sabbatical, and a hefty chunk of change, courtesy of the government!

Yes, you heard that right! With ADHD diagnoses skyrocketing – nearly three million and counting! – some fear the treasury could be overwhelmed.

Remember that old saying, "There's no such thing as a free lunch?" Clearly, nobody told Prime Minister Starmer and Chancellor Reeves!

Under their leadership, everything's on the house: lunch, dinner, new wheels, smartphones, dental work, broadband, even discounted rail fares. What’s next?

As someone who can't sit still for five minutes, is permanently attached to my iPhone, starts cleaning the fridge mid-dishwasher cycle, and interrupts conversations because, frankly, my stories are better... I'm basically millennial ADHD personified.

A breezy 12-minute online quiz confirmed my suspicions: I'm "riddled" with it. Should I be worried?

The NHS describes Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as a condition where "the brain works differently to most people," manifesting as inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

In our smartphone-obsessed world, isn't that just... everyone?

Of course, some individuals genuinely struggle with debilitating ADHD, requiring serious medication. We should be focusing on them, not enabling my dopamine-addicted generation.

My "symptoms," which I assure you I won't be claiming for, have been amplified a hundredfold by my smartphone.

I used to happily stroll for hours, enjoying birdsong and cloud formations. Now, I can't leave home without headphones blasting Spotify directly into my brain.

My phone is practically surgically attached, and watching a movie now takes approximately five hours because I pause it constantly to check social media, grab a snack, text someone, or rearrange the furniture.

None of this is exactly conducive to a healthy lifestyle, and it's all completely avoidable!

ADHD traditionally develops in childhood. But now, adults are being diagnosed in droves, thanks to our tech-saturated world – and lockdowns certainly didn't help.

Adding fuel to the fire, Chancellor Reeves has reportedly softened welfare rules, allowing youngsters with ADHD (and anxiety—another can of worms!) to skip school so their parents can claim benefits.

This sneaky move, buried in last week's budget, comes on top of abolishing the two-child benefit cap, costing taxpayers a cool £3 billion annually.

The worry? Teenagers will struggle to develop vital skills and become productive members of society. What happens then?

They might join the 2.8 million already out of work due to long-term sickness, naturally.

But there’s a simple solution! Ban phones in schools, and force youngsters to do what we did: chat, play, gossip, get into harmless mischief.

If Labour truly wants to be the party of kindness, they need to protect our youngest citizens.

That means nipping tech addiction in the bud and preventing a new generation of lazy, entitled benefit claimants from taking root.

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